I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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