I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
