In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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