i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
