That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
