try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
