This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
