Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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