Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity