TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
