Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(219): View more from Indiana

Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.

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(219): Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream. http://tfl.nu/v6je

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(831): View more from California

I puked off the balcony.

(1-831): View more from California

Not horrible

(831): View more from California

Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.

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(831): I puked off the balcony. (1-831): Not horrible (831): Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza. http://tfl.nu/7wv6

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(703): View more from Virginia

just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?

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(703): just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life? http://tfl.nu/fbf0

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(917): View more from New York City

i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?

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(917): i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far? http://tfl.nu/ph4e

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(775): View more from Nevada

You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.

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(775): You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape. http://tfl.nu/xad4

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(786): View more from Florida

hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.

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(786): hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night. http://tfl.nu/2z1d

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(307): View more from Wyoming

there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends

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(307): there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends http://tfl.nu/lr33

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(516): View more from New York

I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.

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(516): I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud. http://tfl.nu/o20g

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(251): View more from Alabama

I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.

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(251): I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision. http://tfl.nu/w9kf

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(505): View more from New Mexico

You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..

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(505): You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through.. http://tfl.nu/mwok

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(260): View more from Indiana

Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?

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(260): Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers? http://tfl.nu/8xa0

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.

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(484): there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now. http://tfl.nu/o3be

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(763): View more from Minnesota

FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.

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(763): FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth. http://tfl.nu/ynrg

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(914): View more from New York

I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr

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(914): I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr http://tfl.nu/3ptr

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of

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(402): I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of http://tfl.nu/8cwz

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