We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that