allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You smell like stripper and shame
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
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The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward