My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.