I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
