so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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