apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We're too hungover to prance.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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