it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
