There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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