I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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