come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
