wrigley field is MILF paradise
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize