Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
