Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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