i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
