fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
