New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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