So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
