I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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