Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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