He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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