Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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