its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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