So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
