About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
