Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
