drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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