when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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