my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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