I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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