and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
my liver is dry heaving
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
