Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
