She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
