shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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