Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
