Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
