come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
