So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
