What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
