My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
