i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
