Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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