im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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