So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
