there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
