i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
