yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
someone owes me an orgasm
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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