I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
time to smoke my breakfast
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
