Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize