He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
