So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
