This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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