Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
