i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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