I can't watch pbs sober anymore
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
