Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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