i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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