lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
