It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
