I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
