I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
