masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
