he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
