I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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