When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
