There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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