you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
