How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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