i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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