it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
