he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
