this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
