is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
