I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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