what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
