I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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