Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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