A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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