mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
