If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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